Top 3 things you should ABSOLUTELY NOT say in neutral: (1) "yet another neutral win from yours truly" (lean in for a kiss); (2) "hey what's this little guy doing here?" (gesture toward genitalia); (3) "hey, what's a furry got to do to get off around here?" (get euthanized)

I noticed a glint of sadness in Hbox's eyes. I imagined him as an actor trapped on a stage, forced to perform for an audience he grew weary of. “I'm here for you,” I wanted to say, but it was too late...Hbox had already begun his pop off, killing everyone in the first few rows.

I saw Hbox at the gym, holding a 45 pound dumbbell. He said, "you can take the rat out of the gym, but you can't take the gym out of the rat, isn't that right buddy?" I laughed as a courtesy. "Hey would you mind spotting me?" Hbox asked. "I'm doing weighted pop offs today"

GAME BREAKING PATCH: pikachu's genitals are no longer visible on the character select screen due to "lack of public demand"

Just had sex with hazards on and now I have to hear a doctor lecture me about the importance of "penile integrity"

it has come to my attention that internet vigilantes are debating whether the grim reaper is the ultimate villain in our timeline. i would like to encourage some speculation that the much bigger villain is my wife who just put me in time out for calling my kid an incel

Hbox gave my friend a ride to a local. Incredibly, nobody was injured on the way there, except for my friend (annihilated), and 14 witnesses (annihilated), in what is already being described as the "Gamer Goof of the Century."

I main 17 characters and co-main 15 more. I have 25 secondaries that I've never even fucking played. My 15 tertiaries make my 19 quaternaries look like septenaries. I have a duodenary that I play for four minutes a month and it might as well be a god damn main at this point.

Hbox showed me some sketches of his girlfriend as an anthropomorphized dragon. He grabbed me by the scruff of my neck and said, "if the feeling is real, the person is real." I said, "that seems really unhealthy, Hbox." He said, "oh, so now it's a crime to fuck your notebook?"