Popular tweets
@mattbramanti
my daughter just told me that her boyfriend and his friends will go to Costco, each get a rotisserie chicken, eat the whole thing while walking around the store, and then bring the bag of bones to the register to pay for it
@TheTweetOfGod
Will the owners of the blue planet between Venus and Mars please attend to your vehicle. It is overheating.
@lavern_spicer
@elonmusk An African American owner of the largest social media company on earth. This is historic.
@EricG1247
If you wear a mask to go to a store during a pandemic it's called proper health protocols not living in fear. If you need to open carry a gun to go to a store it's called living in fear.
@BAKKOOONN
i enjoying mysekf by the lake, but then i remembered instances of regret in my life, and pain i have caused others
@_tr1dent_
I finally stopped drinking for good. Now I drink for evil!
@dril
the wise man bowed his head solemnly and spoke: "theres actually zero difference between good & bad things. you imbecile. you fucking moron"
@POTUS44
We could eliminate tuition at every public college and university in America with the $80 billion we spend each year on incarcerations.
@matttomic
every time I see an Angels highlight it's like "Mike Trout hit three homes runs and raised his average to .528 while Shohei Ohtani did something that hasn't been done since 'Tungsten Arm' O'Doyle of the 1921 Akron Groomsmen, as the Tigers defeated the Angels 8-3"
@InternetHippo
julius caesar (dying after being stabbed 23 times): please…name a salad after me
